Winning hearts is an art with its own ways and means.
Suppose you enter a gathering of forty men, and as you pass by each of them, shaking everyone’s hand, the ﬁrst shakes your hand indifferently and says very coldly, “Welcome”; the second is busy speaking to the next person, and as you greet him by surprise, he responds to you very impersonally and without even looking at you, then continues with his conversation with the next person; the third person is speaking on the phone, so he simply stretches out his hand without saying a word or showing any respect. However, when you get to the fourth person, he sees you and immediately stands up to greet you. When your eyes meet his, he smiles and demonstrates that he is glad to meet you. He shakes your hand warmly and welcomes you, even though you don’t know each other at all! You then greet the rest of the people and take a seat. Do you doubt that your heart will have the most respect for the fourth person? No doubt it will, even though you do not know his name, nor his status or profession. Despite that, he successfully captures your heart, not with
wealth, status, or lineage, but merely by his interpersonal skills. Hence, hearts are not won by force, wealth, beauty or status. They are won by much less of a sacriﬁce, yet few are able to win them.
I recall one of my students at university who had become physiologically ill due to severe depression. His father held a high position in the police force and had come to visit me at the university quite a few times, asking me for my help with his son. I would visit his house every now and then, which was a tower – ing mansion. I would notice that his house would always be full of guests. I was amazed at how much this family was loved and respected.
Years went by and the man retired. I went to his house for a visit. I entered his mansion and went into the guest room to notice more than ﬁfty chairs, but only one person watching television
and a servant offering him coffee or tea. I sat with him for a while. When I left, I began to compare his situation while the man was working with now that he had retired. What was it about him that had attracted the people then? I realised that the man did not win people over by his manners, kindness and good treatment of others. Rather, he had only attracted them by means of his status, position and the fact that he was well-connected. When he lost his position, he also lost the love people had for him.
Therefore, learn a lesson from this man. Deal with the people so skilfully that they love you for who you are and what you say, and for your smile, gentleness and generosity. They will love the fact that you overlook their faults and stand by them at times of hardship. Do not allow their hearts to be attached merely to your status and your purse! The one who provides his children and wife with wealth, food and drink only does not win their hearts by doing so, but only their stomachs! The one who showers his family with wealth while he mistreats them does not win their hearts; rather, he only wins their pockets. For this reason, do not be surprised if you see a young man who faces a problem and therefore complains to his friend, teacher, or the Imam of a mosque, but not to his own father. This would be because the father has failed to win over his heart and break down barriers. On the other hand, it is the teacher or the friend, who has managed to win his heart. Another important point: Have you ever noticed that when certain people visit a gathering packed with people and look left and right for somewhere to sit, there always seems to be no shortage of people calling them over to sit next to them. Why? Or at a buffet, where everyone serves themselves food and then looks for somewhere to sit, have you noted that such people,
As soon as they have ﬁlled their plates, are subject to large numbers of people calling them over in order to eat with them? Whereas, others may ﬁll their plates and have nobody taking any interest whatsoever, so they have a very lonely meal? Why are people so eager to sit with one type but not the other? Is it not the case that certain people have the ability to at tract hearts wherever they may be, as if they are magnets? How extraordinary! How did they manage to win over people? By using clever techniques to capture people’s hearts.
Our ability to capture people’s hearts and win their love brings us great happiness in life.
– Dr. Muhammad ‘Abd Al-Rahaman Al-‘Arifi